# Outgrowing Friends?



## Mantibama (Nov 24, 2009)

Well this will be random but I could use the advice. Over the past couple years I've gradually reached a point in my college career where I'm not interested in the whole redundancy of partying 24/7 (though I do enjoy drinking occasionally). Which, considering the amount of course work I have, has been a blessing. My friends that I had things in common with (kayaking, camping, etc.) have all gone off and joined the military or attend different universities. I've realized that the only thing I have in common with my current friends is the partying. It's the only thing their interested in and they are very uncompromising when it comes to trying something new! In fact, my standing on the sidelines and watching them party has led me to realize how boring they are! I'm tired of it and I'm trying to acclimate myself to the mindset of being a healthy young professional. My one friend, who is in cell biology with me, is always late to class, never studies, does poorly on the course work, then complains that his poor performance is due to the quality of the instructor; it really is starting to disgust me but I bite my lip instead of being matter-of-fact. Maybe I need to try and not adopt a holier-then-thou attitude, but I really feel I need to move on with my life and distance myself from these people. So, for those of you who have experienced this, how did you do it? Did it end well? Could you still be friends with these people afterward? Do you still appreciate the friendships? How did you meet new people that had similar interests?

Thanks!


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## [email protected] (Nov 24, 2009)

I don't know in my experiences people grow and change.... i guess if the friendships can't change they have to go the way of the dodo( you know, get killed off by hungry explorers).


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## ZoeRipper (Nov 24, 2009)

I recently "out-grew" my best friend of 15 years, because she's attempting to get my husband to cheat on me with her.

Lovely, isn't she? I'm still SUPER p.o.'d and all I can say about her is she's a lying conniving ###### ###### ###### ###### who needs to die in a hole, cold and alone, far away from any type of civilization where nobody can hear her painful screams.


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## hibiscusmile (Nov 24, 2009)

Oh my! what a lot of emotions going on here. I have found that a lot of young people outgrow or grow up when some of their friends do not. There are some people who never do, the peter pan symdrome some might say. Including the school chum who is not doing so good in class. You will need to pick up and move on, and you will find yourself becoming friends with others more to your liking. You will always have your old friends, but will now become aquaintances that you have known when you chance to meet in the future. Maybe your breaking away will inspire some of the others to move on too.

Dont forget Zoe, to pray for blessings on your old friend, by doing so u will heap coals upon her head!


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## Mantibama (Nov 24, 2009)

Sorry to hear that Zoe.... blegh...



Chase said:


> I don't know in my experiences people grow and change.... i guess if the friendships can't change they have to go the way of the dodo( you know, get killed off by hungry explorers).


Gotcha.... Now.... Where can I find some hungry explorers? :lol: 



hibiscusmile said:


> I have found that a lot of young people outgrow or grow up when some of their friends do not. There are some people who never do, the peter pan symdrome some might say. Including the school chum who is not doing so good in class.


Peter pan syndrome! Haha I'm going to have to remember that.


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## Opivy (Nov 24, 2009)

Absolutely! Used to party with many friends - and many of them well, that's all they do.

I've moved along and gotten a job, started school and a little of 'what have you' - So I don't see them close to as much anymore.

Sure, we still hang out - and we're still really close. Just don't see each other as much anymore -

I don't look at it as a bad thing. There aren't any harsh feelings


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## PhilinYuma (Nov 24, 2009)

Bryce said:


> Sorry to hear that Zoe.... blegh...Gotcha.... Now.... Where can I find some hungry explorers? :lol:
> 
> Peter pan syndrome! Haha I'm going to have to remember that.


Ah, I just finished an avuncular Email to one of my favorite grand nieces on just this subject. She has just started her first job after graduating from uni. She has also just broken up with her boyfriend of several years and realizes that she is losing the close contact she had with some her classmates. As folks go through such big changes in their lives, such shake ups with friendships are inevitable. I doubt that you'll have to worry much about your sloughing off classmate, though, Bryce, sooner or later he'll drop or flunk out due to the stupidity of his instructors B) . But such outgrowing of friends is not limited to late teen and post teen years. You may find that the friendships that you form as new parents don't survive the growing up of yr kids, divorces among some friends and the moving away for others. These are central themes for many of John Updike's novels.

But I think that if you build friendships that are based on more than proximity and shared loneliness, either they last indefinitely or blow up. Zoe, I'm really sorry that you lost a friend whom you have known for most of yr life, but at least you had a good reason to end it and ended it with a bang. I had a very close friend in Sunny's step father. He has always known how I feel about the kid and said how great that was and how much he loved her. We would watch games together, stop off at a local bar once or twice a week and even if Lisa and Sunny were out of town, I always went to his family's house for the major holidays. Then, six months ago, he and Lisa broke up, and though he has contacted me, he has made no attempt to contact Sunny ("Her mother has probably poisoned her against me."), so I'll put him with yr ex friend, Zoe, and they can share the same hole!


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## ZoeRipper (Nov 24, 2009)

PhilinYuma said:


> Ah, I just finished an avuncular Email to one of my favorite grand nieces on just this subject. She has just started her first job after graduating from uni. She has also just broken up with her boyfriend of several years and realizes that she is losing the close contact she had with some her classmates. As folks go through such big changes in their lives, such shake ups with friendships are inevitable. I doubt that you'll have to worry much about your sloughing off classmate, though, Bryce, sooner or later he'll drop or flunk out due to the stupidity of his instructors B) . But such outgrowing of friends is not limited to late teen and post teen years. You may find that the friendships that you form as new parents don't survive the growing up of yr kids, divorces among some friends and the moving away for others. These are central themes for many of John Updike's novels.But I think that if you build friendships that are based on more than proximity and shared loneliness, either they last indefinitely or blow up. Zoe, I'm really sorry that you lost a friend whom you have known for most of yr life, but at least you had a good reason to end it and ended it with a bang. I had a very close friend in Sunny's step father. He has always known how I feel about the kid and said how great that was and how much he loved her. We would watch games together, stop off at a local bar once or twice a week and even if Lisa and Sunny were out of town, I always went to his family's house for the major holidays. Then, six months ago, he and Lisa broke up, and though he has contacted me, he has made no attempt to contact Sunny ("Her mother has probably poisoned her against me."), so I'll put him with yr ex friend, Zoe, and they can share the same hole!


Wahaha!

I'm in an evil mood right now.

I kinda get how that is with Sunny and stepdad.

My real dad and I just started talking because my mom refused any sort of contact.

And my dad is AWESOME.

Unlike the third guy my mom married who decided to try and kill me while my mom was out of state.


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## kamakiri (Nov 25, 2009)

My real friends are those who it isn't a problem to 'pick up where we left off'.  Glad to say I have a few. From the neighborhood that I grew up in, high school, college, and from my previous employer.

Keep the good ones...ditch the rest, I say. People around you are easy to outgrow at any point in your life.


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## Opivy (Nov 25, 2009)

Woooow, lots of very open people discussing very serious drama on this forum.

The mantid hobby opens people up more than any I've ever seen before!


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## Ntsees (Nov 25, 2009)

I had school friends until college came. During that time, some of us went and some of us didn't (I went of course). After that, I've been too caught up with school and pets (mantids and such) that I don't keep in touch with them anymore. I rarely see them and still say "hi" whenever I see them, but we all have our own problems to deal with now. And about partying, I've never went to a party (the typical young-people type party). Don't know why, but nature and pets fascinates me more.


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## ZoeRipper (Nov 25, 2009)

Ntsees said:


> I had school friends until college came. During that time, some of us went and some of us didn't (I went of course). After that, I've been too caught up with school and pets (mantids and such) that I don't keep in touch with them anymore. I rarely see them and still say "hi" whenever I see them, but we all have our own problems to deal with now. And about partying, I've never went to a party (the typical young-people type party). Don't know why, but nature and pets fascinates me more.


Honestly I've never been to one of those either.

The closest I got to that is a before-party for one of my friend's bands.


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## Mantibama (Nov 25, 2009)

Thanks for the comments everyone!



PhilinYuma said:


> I doubt that you'll have to worry much about your sloughing off classmate, though, Bryce, sooner or later he'll drop or flunk out due to the stupidity of his instructors B) . But such outgrowing of friends is not limited to late teen and post teen years. You may find that the friendships that you form as new parents don't survive the growing up of yr kids, divorces among some friends and the moving away for others. These are central themes for many of John Updike's novels.


Ha! Yeah, my buddy is a smart guy when he puts forth effort, but I wouldn't be surprised if that's the case. I'll have to check out the John Updike novels. Any specific book you'd recommend?



kamakiri said:


> My real friends are those who it isn't a problem to 'pick up where we left off'.  Glad to say I have a few. From the neighborhood that I grew up in, high school, college, and from my previous employer.Keep the good ones...ditch the rest, I say. People around you are easy to outgrow at any point in your life.


I like your attitude! I can definitely say that I met some really close friends in high school and I get to see them every once and a while and it's always a blast. However, I can't say as much with my current friends.



Ntsees said:


> I had school friends until college came. During that time, some of us went and some of us didn't (I went of course). After that, I've been too caught up with school and pets (mantids and such) that I don't keep in touch with them anymore. I rarely see them and still say "hi" whenever I see them, but we all have our own problems to deal with now. And about partying, I've never went to a party (the typical young-people type party). Don't know why, but nature and pets fascinates me more.


Well the good news is you're not missing too much. I respect your pursuits. I really enjoy biology myself. I work as a prep person for my school lab and it's been really interesting learning about all the techniques, equipment, etc. I even get to start undergraduate research next semester and I'm really excited! I'd rather be getting lab experience than seeing who can do the longest keg stand..... Hopefully I can meet some like-minded individuals along the way.


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