# Jokes and Puns (CLEAN)



## mantisfan101 (Sep 3, 2017)

A place for all forum members to post their own jokes and puns. I'll start off with one of mine-

You can't tuna fish but you can play a bass.


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## Connor (Sep 3, 2017)

I'd tell you a chemistry joke, but I know I wouldn't get a reaction...


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## mantisfan101 (Sep 3, 2017)

?


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## Cole 78 (Nov 11, 2018)

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.


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## Graceface (Nov 11, 2018)

Why are praying mantids so happy?

Because they eat whatever bugs 'em!


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## Prayingmantisqueen (Nov 11, 2018)

Hilarious 



Graceface said:


> Why are praying mantids so happy?
> 
> Because they eat whatever bugs 'em!


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## Prayingmantisqueen (Nov 11, 2018)

How do you make a tissue dance?

Put a little boogie in it!


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## Graceface (Nov 11, 2018)

Here's one for Veterans day:

What do soldiers do in the bathroom?

They do their duty!


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## hysteresis (Nov 13, 2018)

@Graceface

*facepalm*


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## hysteresis (Nov 13, 2018)

Oh lawd! @Prayingmantisqueen


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## Prayingmantisqueen (Nov 13, 2018)

hysteresis said:


> Oh lawd! @Prayingmantisqueen


Whats that 'sposed to mean?


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## Graceface (Nov 13, 2018)

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is heavy, the other is a little lighter


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## Prayingmantisqueen (Nov 14, 2018)

Here is a silly kids one.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to the other side, dummy!


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## Foxhill (Nov 16, 2018)

Why did 8 fall out with 7 ?......

Because 7 ate 9


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## Prayingmantisqueen (Nov 16, 2018)

Foxhill said:


> Why did 8 fall out with 7 ?......
> 
> Because 7 ate 9


Ha ha knew that one!


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## Graceface (Nov 18, 2018)

It's hard to resist the temptation to post a hundred dad jokes, as I LOVE puns and dad jokes, but I will pace myself lol. 

What did one nut say to the other while he was chasing him?

Imma cashew!


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## Graceface (Nov 18, 2018)

@Prayingmantisqueen Why didn't the chicken cross the road?

He was too chicken!!!


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## Mantis Lady (Nov 18, 2018)

I can't remember any jokes, but yours make me smile.


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## Prayingmantisqueen (Nov 18, 2018)

Here is a riddle to try on your friends:

(YOU) I can make you say black.

(FRIEND) No you can't.

(YOU) What is the colors of the American Flag?

(FRIEND) Uhh... red, white and blue.

(YOU) See! I told you I could make you say blue!

(FRIEND) No, you said you could make me say black.

(YOU) Ha ha! And I did! Errr...

Have fun!


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## agent A (Nov 19, 2018)

my goal as an injury lawyer is to treat mesothelioma victims asbestos i can


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## Graceface (Nov 21, 2018)

Some Thanksgiving humor for you guys:

Why were Pilgrim's pants always falling down? Because they wore their belt buckles on their hats

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims!

Why didn't the turkey eat Thanksgiving dinner? He was already stuffed

Why was the turkey asked to leave the Thanksgiving table? He was using fowl language

Why do turkeys gobble? Because no one ever taught them proper table manners!

Happy Turkey day!


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## agent A (Nov 21, 2018)

why was the plant beeping its car during a traffic jam?

it was impatiens


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## Prayingmantisqueen (Nov 22, 2018)

Oh wow those are funny!


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