# What If...



## sinensispsyched (Dec 19, 2011)

What if instead of us humans keeping and breeding mantids, giant mantids would be keeping us?!

Picture it: We are living in a large glass terrarium, with a tree and a tree house going from floor to ceiling. We are resting there while watching our idolomantis owner post questions on HumanForum.net. They would drop in a burger loaded on vitamins after starving us for ten hours to feed us.

The next day, we watch a devil's flower mantis ship a box. The idolomantis opens up the giant box. He pulls out a jar which includes two humans as well as as burgers, hot dogs, salads, and broccoli (yuck). After placing the humans in two separate containers (they are known to be cannibalistic), he is so excited that he invites several of his friends over. They would let us scramble along their slippery skin and laugh at our movements. He would show them how we hunt for our food (stabbing with a pitchfork), as well as how we would eat.

What do you think so far?

Will expand on story later...


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## PragmaticHominid (Dec 19, 2011)

Heh. This made me smile, for some strange reason.


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## agent A (Dec 19, 2011)

Very neat story

if you dont mind i would like to add a teeny bit to contribute  :

then the idolomantis sells some human babies to his friend the creobroter, and the creobroter puts them in a large net cage under a heat lamp, then buys some food for them from humanplace.com


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## CoolMantid (Dec 19, 2011)

Think... do us humans lay ooths or is just as normal?! This made me laugh.!!!!


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## sinensispsyched (Dec 19, 2011)

@AgentA

Tomorrow, I will SURELY include that in my "next episode". Anyone else have any tips or pieces to include?


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## patrickfraser (Dec 19, 2011)

Maybe some basic "mishaps" in keeping them?


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## agent A (Dec 19, 2011)

such as improper ventilation

AND... escapees


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## patrickfraser (Dec 19, 2011)

Any strange mating rituals for these humans?


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## gripen (Dec 19, 2011)

what substrate do you recommend for humans. i heard they like oriental rugs.


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## agent A (Dec 19, 2011)

Should the walls of the cage be plastic, wood or plaster?


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## CoolMantid (Dec 19, 2011)

What about a mismolt or sumtin'?


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## crucis (Dec 19, 2011)

patrickfraser said:


> Any strange mating rituals for these humans?


I doubt so  Those mantids will be able to empathise with human courtship. Ain't it the same everywhere? The male circles warily and waits for his chance to score. Meanwhile the female keeps an eye on him. She'll have him for dinner if he's too forward or tactless. Ok, actually he can be eaten at any time. And if he decides to disengage.. ah, that's the most perilous part.


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## sinensispsyched (Dec 19, 2011)

Human Care: A-Z
​


_By Idolomantis_
​
Enclosure: The human must be kept in a large enclosure with plaster sides. Its substrate should be a big fuzzy rug, which absorbs water and gives the human comfort. A tree with a treehouse should reach from floor to ceiling, which offers the human protection. A water dish should constantly be available to the human, which ensures proper hydration. The top to the enclosure must be steel and have 4" spaces. If the spaces are too big, an escape is probable. However, if the spaces are too small, the human will not get enough air, and will die.

Feeding The human must be fed about once every four hours. The serving must be about the size of the human's head, and must have nutritional value. Some examples of food are hot dogs, hamburgers, sugar, and chocolate. Although the broccoli can be fed to the humans, it has no nutritional value (who eats that ###### anyway?) to the human.

Housing Some humans can be housed together, but make sure that they are not a boy and a girl, for a ruckus will begin in the middle of the night. Also, some species are more ferocious than others, and they WILL KILL each other

Breeding The males can be told apart from the females by an appendage near the legs, which females (generally) don't have. After a male has been introduced to a female, a ritual will start. The male must be careful not to be eaten. The male will start creeping towards the female, then mating will begin. After nine months, the female will lay an ootheca, or egg case, which may hold up to three human babies. When they hatch, you must start giving them milk, which comes from the mother. They will progress to crushed vegetables, which are given to the baby.

General: The human sheds its skin about twice each day, and the new colors are often spectacular. Studies show that the color change is often due to the human's feelings, and is not influenced by surroundings. Shedding can be induced by raising the humidity until beads of liquid form on the human's head.

All in all, _homo sapiens _is one of the hardest species to raise and breed, but the end product is well worth the work.


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## sinensispsyched (Dec 19, 2011)

Why'd they put #### on ######?


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## CoolMantid (Dec 19, 2011)

Are there any communal species of humans?


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## frogparty (Dec 20, 2011)

humans CAN be raised communally, although high population densities lead to abberrant behavior!


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## ismart (Dec 20, 2011)

May i add it is best to have 10 females per every male for good breeding practices.   

Children can be jumpy at times. A few good ways to calm them down is to administer Nyquil, or attach them with a leash to a close line, or fence, and let them run rampant! I love raising humans! :lol:


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## agent A (Dec 20, 2011)

Nyquil? Woops I usually use chloroform  also I find it easier to make them obey me if I expose them to Lady GaGa music when young


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## sinensispsyched (Dec 20, 2011)

Um, Alex. Do you have a kid? :huh: I'm pretty sure that it's illegal at that age?


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## CoolMantid (Dec 20, 2011)

Me Alex?


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## sinensispsyched (Dec 21, 2011)

Oh, I meant AgentA.


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## CoolMantid (Dec 21, 2011)

Too many Alexs! GAHH


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## sinensispsyched (Dec 21, 2011)

Right about that!


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## agent A (Dec 21, 2011)

i dont have any human children...

who's to say im a human and not a mantis  

hey sinensispshyced, we should start a topic of made up mantises

in algebra today i freaked out some girl by telling her about the made up giant bunny eating mantis and how it would eat her rabbit


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## gripen (Dec 21, 2011)

agent A said:


> i dont have any human children...
> 
> who's to say im a human and not a mantis
> 
> ...


classic!


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## Introvertebrate (Dec 21, 2011)

sinensispsyched said:


> What if instead of us humans keeping and breeding mantids, giant mantids would be keeping us?!


What if they're just keeping us so they can feed us off to their chameleons?


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## CoolMantid (Dec 21, 2011)

What if they're just keeping us so they can feed us off to their chameleons?:Introvertebrate

YES!!!

in algebra today i freaked out some girl by telling her about the made up giant bunny eating mantis and how it would eat her rabbit:agentA

One time i saw a mantis who just fiished laying an ooth laying an ooth and some kids walked up and started blabbing about a mantis is so venomous and can kill a human. So i picked up the mantis, let it crawl all over me, and here is the best part- I pretended it bit me! (it was a sctratch i got from P.E.) and they freaked out. They got scared and then the mantis jumped and ran away. They believed it! its amazing what people believe!!


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## agent A (Dec 21, 2011)

Once i got blood drawn and the wound looked cool so i said my miomantis sucked my blood and that her microscopic babies were loose in the cafeteria and the principal got mad and made me type a 2 page report on the egyptian mantis

Good times


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## CoolMantid (Dec 22, 2011)

Nice! XD


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## sinensispsyched (Dec 22, 2011)

Good trick on the girl!

At school, I've always been known as, "the weird guy with the mantises", but people started making fun of me when I put a mantis photo on my Christmas card, as well as when I said how many mantises I have. Oh, the lives us rearers go through! For example, today I had an L2 ghost out, then I lost him for 20 minutes! At that point, I was crying and tearing up my room. Then, I fount it at the top of my curtains! I named that one, "Waldo" from, "Where's Waldo"!


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## agent A (Dec 22, 2011)

My mom thinks im obsessed with them because I care for them when I have NOTHING else to do, she acts like im not doing anything other than caring for them even when it isn't true

Wat happened to encouraging your child's interests????


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## CoolMantid (Dec 22, 2011)

My mom likes this better than snakes so she will do anything to keep me in this hobby aand not move to reptiles. I keep the mantis hobby on the "down low" at my school. esspescially in front of the girl I like. Im always nervous if that gets out.


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## lunarstorm (Dec 22, 2011)

Hertarem45 said:


> My mom likes this better than snakes so she will do anything to keep me in this hobby aand not move to reptiles. I keep the mantis hobby on the "down low" at my school. esspescially in front of the girl I like. Im always nervous if that gets out.


Hrm. If your mom forbids reptiles, that's likely to make you want reptiles even more. I wonder if she knows if you decide to try that later (when you go to college or whatnot, assuming she won't allow a pet reptile in her home), your experience with mantids would facilitate a very easy transition to reptiles.  

Regarding keeping this on the "down low" at school, that's smart. At some point it's gonna get out and that's fine, you'll be able to explain the numerous cool aspects of mantids. Some will get it, some won't. Don't fret too much over those who don't.

As an adult working in the software industry, most of my coworkers think it's odd/strange/eccentric that I have mantids (and keep in mind, this includes artists and engineers, which are generally a very geeky and smart bunch.) It is unfortunate they're not a pet that general society currently understands.


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## agent A (Dec 22, 2011)

And we must remember that raising mantises is a lot less harmful than other activities teens have been known to get into, such as smoking and shoplifting, I think adults should more encourage a child's love of nature


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## CoolMantid (Dec 23, 2011)

I will raise reptiles and other insects (besides mantids) in future... for sure. I have told some of my friends. They where so excited when they came to my house and saw my mantis munching on a cricket. My mom knows for sure i will keep reptiles. She just said she will never come and visit. I would have to come and visit her. She is loosening up on an Anole.

For sure the mantis hobby is addiciting. But its WAY better than doing illegal stuff like that. I already know people my age who have smoked and or made out with someone before. :kiss: 

I think parents should get a pet to occupy there child for some time and encourage this hobby. You will be suprised how much i have learned just from this forum!!


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## crucis (Dec 23, 2011)

for anyone older than grade school or younger than middle-age, it has become a potential social liability to spend your free time rearing any animal other than a dog or cat. Not to mention poking around bushes in search of local insects.

I find this absurd.. and sad proof that social norms are more oppressive than military policemen and authoritarian government. When we are children, we do the things that occur most naturally to us. This includes music that is actually pleasing to the ears, wonder at the natural world, and staying away from clubs and vice.


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## gripen (Dec 23, 2011)

crucis said:


> for anyone older than grade school or younger than middle-age, it has become a potential social liability to spend your free time rearing any animal other than a dog or cat. Not to mention poking around bushes in search of local insects.
> 
> I find this absurd.. and sad proof that social norms are more oppressive than military policemen and authoritarian government. When we are children, we do the things that occur most naturally to us. This includes music that is actually pleasing to the ears, wonder at the natural world, and staying away from clubs and vice.


+1! Could not have said it better.


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## sinensispsyched (Dec 24, 2011)

@ AgentA post # 31

That is EXACTLY what happens to me! Really, mom only has grudges on my bugs because she buys the crix, and sometimes I handle my bugs before homework is done. Other than that, I feed them, I clean them, and I nurture them.

@ AgentA post # 24

Last summer, when I was just entering the hobby, my mom and grandparents called me either a mother or a father after my chinese ooth hatched.


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## agent A (Dec 24, 2011)

Its really interesting how I came to love mantises

Many years ago they used to freak me out but my sister loved them, now the tables have turned

I remember walking in the woods and seeing tent caterpillar nests, but my father thought they were mantis ooths, and that's kinda how I became obsessed, I was curious and before I knew it I bought an ooth from magic wings, and the rest is a story for another day

I don't know why I get so sentimental abt past memories of the forest behind my house, but these early memories both inspire and haunt me


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## CoolMantid (Dec 24, 2011)

I entered the hobby when my friendgave me a tub full of bugs (literally) to feed all of my carnivorous plants. I fed away the beetles but I didnt touch the mantis for fear it would bite me. Then after the caterpillars turned into butterflies I was fascinated. I kept over 60 Fritillary butterflies and caterpillars in a gigantic cage. One day I found a mantis and kept it for a week. It died and I felt really bad. Then at school while looking for more Fritillary caterpillars at school I found a mantis ooth. Ithought it was some sort of plant or even a snail until a little girl told me it was a "mantis egg." She told me it hatched over 100 babies. Then I set up the cage and did research/care information all day long and before I knew it mom had bought me four mantids for my birthday. Then the ooth hatched and I was beaming. :yawn: The I bought more and more....


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## sinensispsyched (Dec 26, 2011)

I guess it all started when I was four, and my mom took me to the downtown library. When we were leaving, we found an adult female chinese mantis on the sidewalk. We took it up to our cottage in Canada, and fed it that night. I released it the next day.

Then, when we were at the beach near the cottage, I found a (believed) L4 chinese nymph, and fed it on crickets for two days. The Next day, I learned that my dog was dying. I could only handle one worry at that time, so I released it.

A year later, I told my mom that I wanted a mantis. She bought me a chinese ooth, and I hatched it. Then, I just kept getting more.


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## sinensispsyched (Dec 26, 2011)

From the Eyes of a Human: Mantis Bullies

One day, this little ghost mantis brought to school a few humans, as well as me, and carried us in a small cup, which still had a bit of fly juice left. It was hard to breathe in there, since the top was unventilated. He placed us in a leaf bag, and we listened to the lessons that were taught. In math, they were taught how two crickets give them more nutrition than one. In history, we heard how Sir Budwing II had conquered Arachno the Great. In gym, we heard which type of strike will yield the best results. At last the ghost went back to homeroom, and he took us out of the bag. As the ghost opened us up, we heard the gasps of his bugmates as they spotted us. However, one HUGE idolomantis said," Hey stringhead, what the #### is that?" The ghost replied, " It is _homo sapiens,_ or the common human. However, the idolo, who was a bit of a jock, would not let the ghost get a tiny bit of fame, and progressed to bully the ghost throughout the presentation. After being packed up, I heard the name fight between the ghost and the idolo, which included,"string-head", "weak spined", and insults such as "yo momma's such a leaf that your dad couldn't find her in the bedroom." As you can see, the idolo had no sense of humor. Unfortunately, the poor ghost felt really sad, told his parents, and the idolo's parents got sued.

Is it ok?


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## agent A (Dec 27, 2011)

it's lovely!!! at least the ghost didnt team up with a deroplatys and kill the idolo and all the other popular nymphs...


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## Chivalry (Dec 30, 2011)

To quote my hubby: "I personally welcome the dominion of our insect overlords."

Enjoyed the Human Care Sheet, although I'd have made a few different suggestions. Also, you forgot to mention that they sometimes shed their skin in response to the presence of the opposite gender


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## sinensispsyched (Dec 30, 2011)

Oh, you're right!


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