Acute Psychosis

[happy1892]

Hey! I was diagnosed with Acute Psychosis several months back maybe around February in 2015. I am still going through it I guess (I'm still delusional?) since I feel like I get messages every second... twitches in my legs and other parts of my body mostly, though hard to understand and often seem kind of like lies to me, though I would not say they are lies because I do not know, such as twitches on my right leg equal a "Yes" and twitches on my left leg mean "No". And I got that understanding from a father and a son (?) walking past me on the shore of a lake during the daytime saying right means yes, and left means no (If I remember correctly), and before that it was left means yes and right means no. I cannot remember anything else the "father and son" walking past me beside the lake said if they did say anything within my hearing range or when I was listening to them. Of course if these were real human beings (instead of angels)(also the "father and son" could have been a hallucination though I have not confirmed any hallucinations yet if I do have them, but I have some illusions..., maybe some hallucinations when I am in a half waking state, not sure because I might be seeing them in my mind because I think I remember once seeing a person clear as a bell sitting on a chair near me without looking straight at him when I woke up from sleeping, but maybe that is what is called a "hallucination".) then they would have no idea that they were sending a message to me (or is it my perception or is it my subconscious mind making up memories of trails of thoughts fooling me into thinking I had a thought before I hear things from people such as laughs, yeses, noes, or "You know I could do that" from a women walking by the car I was in, referring to a question I tried not to ask in my head asking about the Twitch Master giving me some pleasure so the memory that I was asking the Twitch Master about giving me pleasure was possibly made up by my subconscious mind when the women said "You know I could do that" while she walked by the car I was in to make it seem like a message?) through their conversation with each other. My daddy gave him the name "Twitch Master" because of this. I do not know if the Twitch Master is my subconscious mind or spirits or God or a mix. Also he (the Twitch Master) seems to me that he sometimes controls my body and mind. A few times when I asked for it (and I tried not to ask for it. You know it is really hard to not talk to a person you think is in your head and answering some of your questions and thoughts all the time) I got my mind blocked (sometimes less severe so that I could think if I wanted to, but once, maybe the first time, the blocking was so strong that when I tried to think I got like some rush of energy that just stopped me and kept me focused on the outside world) to stop me from having some bad thoughts, maybe cursing the people I thought were looking at my thoughts in my brain by using high technology which was pleasant. Well, I could still think, just not deeply. I could understand things around me at least.

He has never hurt me too much when he does give me some pain or terror or something uncomfortable such as very strong muscle twitches or tense feelings where I feel like I am being constricted to death by a giant python (well it probably does not feel like being constricted by a giant python, but maybe it will give you an idea on how the tense feeling feels and definitely not really painful and when I cannot bare the tense feeling I can stand up or move and the tense feeling will mostly go away so I can stop it from hurting or being uncomfortable when I want to) and the dreams are never too scary, though once a man actually held onto my two arms or hands or wrists and seemed to be sticking needles in me to hurt me though I do not remember visually seeing him do that in the dream just somehow felt he was doing that, or maybe I did see him do that, but don't remember. I cried for help to God to get me out of that situation and I woke up. My dad heard me and came... I was in the bathroom with my face on the ground sleeping on my belly... I wanted to be able to cry for help to God in situations like that when I am all in a tizzy or panic and so aggressive. The night before that dream I was feeling bad that I did not think about God to save me when I saw an illusion of a monster (only for a sec) beside a forest while I was walking outside on a road. I might have asked God if he could make me think about him in situations like that when I am scared that night, but don't remember if I did. Before I went to sleep that night before I had the nightmare the Twitch Master warned me about something bad was going to happen to me and I was scared. I think I remember I faintly perceived a few happy smiling faces of children or young adults in my head when I got something like a faint "don't say we didn't warn you" (cannot remember clearly exactly what happened as usual). I did not really think it was going to happen that night... things like that do not always come true (those predictions from the Twitch Master) I think, but not sure if I remember any instances where the Twitch Master's hints or things I perceived as hints on what was going to happen was wrong or has not happened yet... That it was going to be a nightmare did not occur to me (I feel so stupid...).

Anyone else Psychotic?

 

[dmina]

It must be hard at times trying to make sense of it all... at lease you have family there to try and get you through.. I think it is better sometimes, the more you forget... You need to go to bed think only good thoughts.. and praying to God to get you through the bad thoughts... I think life is like a roller coaster ride.. lots of ups and downs... and a lot of curves in the middle.. sending you lots of prayers for strength and clarity for the days to come... wishing you to feel better soon.. big hugs...

 

[birdiefu]

It is brave of you to post of these very personal affairs, I think it is good to get these feelings out and not feel ashamed of them. After I had my first child I was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis, although it may not have been true psychosis as though I had visual and auditory hallucinations, I was aware they were not of reality (once the surprise factor wore off). However, it did suck to be driving and think someone jumps in front of your car when there is no one...or think people are talking to you and you talk back...until you realize no one said a word nline2long: . So while I did not have delusional thinking, it was still a very confusing and frustrating time of my life and I definitely feel for you.

I completely recovered by the time my youngest was 6 months old (He just recently turned 11), and I tried every old wives tale to not have postpartum issues again with my second (totally ate placenta, lol). THANKFULLY, I had no recurrence and even moved from one continent to another when she was only 8 weeks old without batting an eye. Hopefully you can also get over the confusion of this part of your life and bring normality back for good.

I hope you can get this situation worked through, and particularly find out what set it off if it happened recently. It is great that your dad is there for you, and I wish you the very best! Find joy in as many moments as you can and take it one day at a time

 

[CosbyArt]

I wish you well with your treatment and management of the psychosis. Not sure what else can be said, but I wish you the best on getting it under control. As you were diagnosed with it, I imagine you are receiving medical help too?

 

[happy1892]

It must be hard at times trying to make sense of it all... at lease you have family there to try and get you through.. I think it is better sometimes, the more you forget... You need to go to bed think only good thoughts.. and praying to God to get you through the bad thoughts... I think life is like a roller coaster ride.. lots of ups and downs... and a lot of curves in the middle.. sending you lots of prayers for strength and clarity for the days to come... wishing you to feel better soon.. big hugs...

Yes, it actually might be hard for me to make sense of it all! Especially the loud noises from cars, thunder, and other things which somehow seem to react to my vain and mean thoughts among other things... Actually I am not sure how I feel about it though. I seem to have a mild case of Psychosis and not severe. And yes, my family really helped. I get a lot of messages through their conversations. My oldest younger brother is like the "head demon" over me and my sister being the angel over me in this battle with my two youngest brothers being the "little demons". The "head demon" and angel over me both strike me both as being confident that they are going to win this case (being assigned to me). It was really hard to not burst out laughing whenever something like my second youngest brother would cry out while playing a computer game "What?!! What!!?...UGH!! or UGH!! That's so annoying!" reacting to what good I just did such as keep standing and reading when I was just about to give up (one of the things I am supposed do, including holding my breath, holding my breath with cold water from the shower showering on my face while taking a shower, and holding my breath while running or biking).

Thank you very much for wishing me strength and the prayers! About the sleeping, it feels like I am drugged to stay awake and the more I ease up on working intensely the more I get depressed and the tense anxiety comes along (and that varies quite a lot and I cannot remember exactly when in the past I would be worse or just plain have different kinds of feelings). I have some weird things, like it used to be that after I ran or jogged for around 30 minutes I would lie down on the sofa and start reading stories and then I would get quite a depressing feeling which feels uncomfortable. Another weird thing is that when I was hospitalized the second time I got my vision blurry like when you take the eye dilating drugs which cause you to not be able to focus on things near but can see things that are farther away. I got that blurry vision other times afterwards, too, but different in some ways. Sunshine would cure the blurry vision the times I tried it. Also, I sleep during the nights and remember that I was half awake, but just not awake enough to understand that I could get up and end the depressing pain of wasting time having trails of thoughts that are not rational. I often dread sleeping because of this and a few other reasons. I have had some of these things back years before I think.

Interruption:

Oh! Just went down to our basement and found an adult female German Roach. She's so cute and fat!

It is brave of you to post of these very personal affairs, I think it is good to get these feelings out and not feel ashamed of them. After I had my first child I was diagnosed with postpartum psychosis, although it may not have been true psychosis as though I had visual and auditory hallucinations, I was aware they were not of reality (once the surprise factor wore off). However, it did suck to be driving and think someone jumps in front of your car when there is no one...or think people are talking to you and you talk back...until you realize no one said a word nline2long: . So while I did not have delusional thinking, it was still a very confusing and frustrating time of my life and I definitely feel for you.

I completely recovered by the time my youngest was 6 months old (He just recently turned 11), and I tried every old wives tale to not have postpartum issues again with my second (totally ate placenta, lol). THANKFULLY, I had no recurrence and even moved from one continent to another when she was only 8 weeks old without batting an eye. Hopefully you can also get over the confusion of this part of your life and bring normality back for good.

I hope you can get this situation worked through, and particularly find out what set it off if it happened recently. It is great that your dad is there for you, and I wish you the very best! Find joy in as many moments as you can and take it one day at a time

Oh, wow, that is cool that you had those hallucinations. A few days ago I had a girl come up beside me while I was lying down in the dark bathroom (my eyes were closed though I saw her beside me). Is that too personal to be on here? Oh, I love talking about these personal affairs. It actually might not be a good thing to talk to much about things that are personal though.

I do not know what "set it off". It's like the Twitch Master revealed himself recently and all along my life he was setting things up for me to meet certain people and other things. Now it feels like to me I am getting more intense thoughts popping into my head. It used to be one day or night I was in a dark bathroom and I had very strong thoughts coming into my head (like videos), but I lost it! They were vain thought I think and I could not really control them. Thank you for the encouragement, too!

I wish you well with your treatment and management of the psychosis. Not sure what else can be said, but I wish you the best on getting it under control. As you were diagnosed with it, I imagine you are receiving medical help too?

Thank you. Yes, I think I am receiving medical help. I got some ativan when I was first hospitalized. I stopped taking some drugs. I did not notice any side effects or other things from the antipsychotic drugs during the time I was taking them, but my perception could be wrong, and I certainly do not remember much (due to bad memory and not caring).

Oh, and something nice happened today! When I woke up the "tense anxiety" that also carries a fever like feeling has died off a lot. Though I still am tense enough that I automatically am clenching my teeth. I had not had relief like this since the second time I was hospitalized that I can remember, except maybe for a few minutes or more over a month ago (I felt energized, which is different from what I am feeling right now). So, does anyone get voices such as their names called during the day? Maybe it's normal.

http://www.hopeforrecovery.com/coping-spiritual-meaning-psychosis/

 

[happy1892]

The tense anxiety has come back a while ago. Though now I feel safer in that I feel like it is possible that it will go away sometime and that it is not a permanent thing.

 

[Sticky]

I have epilepsy and when I was younger it really raged. It is Petit Mal so I didnt fall to the floor shaking but they were still no fun. I remember animal people alking to me. One was a black cat person. He walked upright and wore a robe. He was not nice at all! Another was a frog man. He was ok.

My dad married a lady I learned to dislike quickly. She screamed at her two girls and me every day so that started my seizures. They only bother me during times of severe stress and anxiety. I would hear nonsense words all the time, no messages and of course the animal people during my seizures. I was checked out by doctors and psychiatrists. Tried different meds. Non helped without wierd side effects. The epilepsy was better so I put up with it.

I totally understand what you are experiencing though on a much smaller scale. I hope you can beat this, you are a wonderful person and a valued member of ths forum. Stay strong and hang in there!

 

[CosbyArt]

The tense anxiety has come back a while ago. Though now I feel safer in that I feel like it is possible that it will go away sometime and that it is not a permanent thing.

Great to hear you at least started off with some relief, so it does sound like something has been working lately.

Nice to have your family support, and have your sister the angel on your side.

 

[happy1892]

I have epilepsy and when I was younger it really raged. It is Petit Mal so I didnt fall to the floor shaking but they were still no fun. I remember animal people alking to me. One was a black cat person. He walked upright and wore a robe. He was not nice at all! Another was a frog man. He was ok.

My dad married a lady I learned to dislike quickly. She screamed at her two girls and me every day so that started my seizures. They only bother me during times of severe stress and anxiety. I would hear nonsense words all the time, no messages and of course the animal people during my seizures. I was checked out by doctors and psychiatrists. Tried different meds. Non helped without wierd side effects. The epilepsy was better so I put up with it.

I totally understand what you are experiencing though on a much smaller scale. I hope you can beat this, you are a wonderful person and a valued member of ths forum. Stay strong and hang in there!

Actually to me your experience sounds a lot worse than what I have gone through with the acute psychosis. Animal people like that would have been very scary and creepy to me. One of the things that bothers me about the acute psychosis is that it makes me clumsy like when you have stage fright and start stammering when speaking and so it becomes awkward.

 

[Sticky]

I agree about my siezures! I could never stop them so I learned to wait them out. Once I fainted because I couldn't breathe! They lasted only about 30 seconds to one minute. Sometimes felt like forever.

 

[happy1892]

Of course if these were real human beings (instead of angels)(also the "father and son" could have been a hallucination though I have not confirmed any hallucinations yet if I do have them, but I have some illusions..., maybe some hallucinations when I am in a half waking state, not sure because I might be seeing them in my mind because I think I remember once seeing a person clear as a bell sitting on a chair near me without looking straight at him when I woke up from sleeping, but maybe that is what is called a "hallucination".)

Oh, yeah. I have looked at one of those directly. I had one black lady sitting beside the bed I was on (my dad was sleeping beside me). I said "they" and went up to her. She had her face buried in her hands and seemed grief stricken... or terrified. I had no compassion for her and just left her there, and I went back to sleep. I was not all the way awake. My dad said that he saw me go up to the end of the bed and stayed there for a moment.

 

[happy1892]

I feel like I am getting lost in my own little world! I am afraid I am paying too much attention to messages that are actually vain. I got a few weeks ago a dream or a light dream or voices (can't remember, some voices come when I kind of black out for a sec, and that "blacking out" might actually just be me nodding off to sleep for a second and waking up in a shock. It feels similar to being feverish.) saying some things. I cannot remember what they said when they were talking to each other with me listening to them. One or they (don't know how many persons) said give him kindness (I got the impression that they were talking about me).

Totally lost what I wanted to write about. It is the worst part of the psychosis (I feel ********, can't think very well.), and the constant anxiety because I am afraid it will kill me early (do not know how to get relief from it, drugs would probably work.). One day a few weeks ago I could not understand very well what people would say to me and I could not understand a sentence my dad would say even when he would repeat it several times, I just could not get it. lol The up tenseness or anxiety and agitation comes with some type of feverish like feeling. And I think I remember that when I got a stronger feverish feeling I would get stronger strange underarm smells. When I was sick in the past I would have those types of smells (for example: pertussis?, appendix rupture).