What If...

[sinensispsyched]

What if instead of us humans keeping and breeding mantids, giant mantids would be keeping us?!

Picture it: We are living in a large glass terrarium, with a tree and a tree house going from floor to ceiling. We are resting there while watching our idolomantis owner post questions on HumanForum.net. They would drop in a burger loaded on vitamins after starving us for ten hours to feed us.

The next day, we watch a devil's flower mantis ship a box. The idolomantis opens up the giant box. He pulls out a jar which includes two humans as well as as burgers, hot dogs, salads, and broccoli (yuck). After placing the humans in two separate containers (they are known to be cannibalistic), he is so excited that he invites several of his friends over. They would let us scramble along their slippery skin and laugh at our movements. He would show them how we hunt for our food (stabbing with a pitchfork), as well as how we would eat.

What do you think so far?

Will expand on story later...

 

[PragmaticHominid]

Heh. This made me smile, for some strange reason.

 

[agent A]

Very neat story

if you dont mind i would like to add a teeny bit to contribute :

then the idolomantis sells some human babies to his friend the creobroter, and the creobroter puts them in a large net cage under a heat lamp, then buys some food for them from humanplace.com

 

[CoolMantid]

Think... do us humans lay ooths or is just as normal?! This made me laugh.!!!!

 

[sinensispsyched]

@AgentA

Tomorrow, I will SURELY include that in my "next episode". Anyone else have any tips or pieces to include?

 

[patrickfraser]

Maybe some basic "mishaps" in keeping them?

 

[agent A]

such as improper ventilation

AND... escapees

 

[patrickfraser]

Any strange mating rituals for these humans?

 

[gripen]

what substrate do you recommend for humans. i heard they like oriental rugs.

 

[agent A]

Should the walls of the cage be plastic, wood or plaster?

 

[CoolMantid]

What about a mismolt or sumtin'?

 

[crucis]

Any strange mating rituals for these humans?

I doubt so Those mantids will be able to empathise with human courtship. Ain't it the same everywhere? The male circles warily and waits for his chance to score. Meanwhile the female keeps an eye on him. She'll have him for dinner if he's too forward or tactless. Ok, actually he can be eaten at any time. And if he decides to disengage.. ah, that's the most perilous part.

 

[sinensispsyched]

Human Care: A-Z

​

By Idolomantis

​

Enclosure: The human must be kept in a large enclosure with plaster sides. Its substrate should be a big fuzzy rug, which absorbs water and gives the human comfort. A tree with a treehouse should reach from floor to ceiling, which offers the human protection. A water dish should constantly be available to the human, which ensures proper hydration. The top to the enclosure must be steel and have 4" spaces. If the spaces are too big, an escape is probable. However, if the spaces are too small, the human will not get enough air, and will die.

Feeding The human must be fed about once every four hours. The serving must be about the size of the human's head, and must have nutritional value. Some examples of food are hot dogs, hamburgers, sugar, and chocolate. Although the broccoli can be fed to the humans, it has no nutritional value (who eats that ###### anyway?) to the human.

Housing Some humans can be housed together, but make sure that they are not a boy and a girl, for a ruckus will begin in the middle of the night. Also, some species are more ferocious than others, and they WILL KILL each other

Breeding The males can be told apart from the females by an appendage near the legs, which females (generally) don't have. After a male has been introduced to a female, a ritual will start. The male must be careful not to be eaten. The male will start creeping towards the female, then mating will begin. After nine months, the female will lay an ootheca, or egg case, which may hold up to three human babies. When they hatch, you must start giving them milk, which comes from the mother. They will progress to crushed vegetables, which are given to the baby.

General: The human sheds its skin about twice each day, and the new colors are often spectacular. Studies show that the color change is often due to the human's feelings, and is not influenced by surroundings. Shedding can be induced by raising the humidity until beads of liquid form on the human's head.

All in all, **** sapiens is one of the hardest species to raise and breed, but the end product is well worth the work.

 

[sinensispsyched]

Why'd they put #### on ######?

 

[CoolMantid]

Are there any communal species of humans?

 

[frogparty]

humans CAN be raised communally, although high population densities lead to abberrant behavior!

 

[ismart]

May i add it is best to have 10 females per every male for good breeding practices.

Children can be jumpy at times. A few good ways to calm them down is to administer Nyquil, or attach them with a leash to a close line, or fence, and let them run rampant! I love raising humans! :lol:

 

[agent A]

Nyquil? Woops I usually use chloroform also I find it easier to make them obey me if I expose them to Lady GaGa music when young

 

[sinensispsyched]

Um, Alex. Do you have a kid? :huh: I'm pretty sure that it's illegal at that age?